Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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