Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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