i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
