She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
