So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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