Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
