after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
