I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm getting married
To pizza
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
