Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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