I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
