Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
