It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is Oprah even human
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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