all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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