They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
