dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
