Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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