Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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