Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
