I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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