Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
