Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
