Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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