No stitches, just platelets and will power
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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