it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
