Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
