playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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