Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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