Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
40s are totally the cure
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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