somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
