I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
how does that bad decision feel?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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