The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
