your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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