sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
