Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
