i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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