I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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