well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
