This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
