I don't think brook has ever known best
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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