All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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