I think I won the penis lottery.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
