Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
