So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
