My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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