Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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