We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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