I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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