Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think people are normalizing furries
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
