my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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