New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
